You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
