Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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