I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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