Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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