This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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