you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
