We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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