she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
