The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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