Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
