we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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