Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
