I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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