Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
