i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
