Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
