I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
