I think my fart just growled at me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
