He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
