And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
