my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
