I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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