shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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