What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
