By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
