She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
