Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
