Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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