He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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