Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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