the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
