Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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