I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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