He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
