can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
