he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
