Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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