Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
