I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im holly from the hills drunk
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
