Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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