You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
