Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
