Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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