Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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