Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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