Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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