I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Randomize
