I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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