Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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