i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
