She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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