At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
