The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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