The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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