So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
