I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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