Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
