Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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